Apparently you can make gifs so easily on Tumblr now
It only takes moving back into college to realize how lonely I really am.
There must be thousands of guys in this country whose last season gets cut short. Winning all the preliminaries and going on to nationals. If all this were a work of fiction, the guys who go to nationals would be the protagonists, and the rest of us would just be extras. But, regardless… We got to play volleyball.
All my life, I’ve gone down the road paved for me. Elementary school. Middle school. High school. College. Thinking I had a choice, knowing I did. But the way I was raised made me follow this path. I’m envious of those who have the ability to leave these paths for greater and riskier things. To break free from the chains and leashes that lead them to something larger than themselves. Maybe one day I will find the courage to try something crazy.but for now…
I feel more and more like a drop in the ocean as each day passes.
I used to care so much about writing something each day. To make my memories tangible somehow. Slowly that desire dwindled away. And so did my desire to live my life as vibrantly as I should. And I sit at home and rot away.
I just want to be able to enjoy life. I’m only 20. I tell myself this all the time, but then the overwhelming burden of my future is heavier than this “freedom” of summer.
Relationships, work, always needing to be productive in some way. There are people around me moving at lightning speed and here I am sluggishly living my life. I know this is true, but I can’t get out of this slump. I want to enjoy life, but in the back of my mind, it’s just hard.
I want to be a doctor, but I also want to get into the world of eSports so badly. The hardest thing is that if I want to become a doctor, I have to dedicate so much of my life to it, but if I want to get into eSports, there’s only so much time I have with my youth to take advantage of my connections and see where I can go.
Man. It’s 3 AM, and all these thoughts are flooding into my head.
Little does my mother know how she is my rock. She is always there for me no matter how broken I feel. I work hard not for just myself, but for how much she has worked for to give my brother and I the luxurious life we live. When I sit next to her, her scent wafts over and I can’t imagine life without her. She is my treasure and the person I look up to the most.
And as I depart my teenage years in the coming days. I just want her to know I love her. As of now, I’m struggling. Life is hard. Some days I just want to sleep it away. Some days I just want to find myself just playing games. I don’t want to move. I don’t want to work. But then I’ll disappoint her. I’ll disappoint myself. This semester is the hardest for me yet, and I hope I can just finish it.
Little does my mother know that she keeps me moving.
Guys. I’m alive on tumblr. I forgot how much I missed this holy place.
So I thought I would post all the amazing selfies I took at PAX East with my peeps!
I don’t know if you know because you look like a loser and probably are if we were made to be your friend. But being sassy for EVERY option on the menu is not funny. So….. Stop.
It seems like everyone here is compatible except me. And I don’t mind it at all. Everyone here is so annoying. Especially these stuck up vegetarians. And this non-dairy girl who absolutely keeps mentioning to us that she can’t eat anything. Like seriously what the fuck is wrong with this group. We know you can’t eat this and that. For the vegetarians, we picked this restaurant. Stop fucking be so annoying about the menu. I’d never want to eat with you again. It’s your fucking choice. You’re so annoying. I can’t. Do this. I don’t want your sass. I don’t want anything of yours.
This is so rude. He’s obviously targeting my choices and indirectly being rude to me. I can’t wait to get off this trip. Seriously? You’re not always right. So shut the fuck up. You’re so pompous and obnoxious. I just need to get away from you. From this. I can’t believe I survived for a week. Ice cream place. Everything has to go your way. Well it doesn’t. I can’t believe I chose wrong about this trip. Why the fuck does everything have to be about you. You were cocky about your two scoops for $5 well I got two for $4. So bug off. And you’re always on your on laptop and so high up. I just. Ugh.
I don’t know if I like this ASB trip anymore. This guy is a little messed up and obnoxious. I’d rather have him in the room not doing anything. I don’t know. This sucks. He’s a bit bitchy. And especially the vegetarian higher up he thinks he is. Whatever. He literally shot down everything. I kind of hate it. He’s so health conscious superior.
I look to television shows for comfort. As a means of escaping reality. For days on end I would drown myself in characters and their relationships. Sam. Dean. Stiles. Scott. Phoebe. Rachel. Ross. Joey. Chandler. Monica. The list goes on and on. Truthfully, the real world scares me. It requires so much effort I am left an empty shell by the end of the day. At night, I let these shows take me to places I’ve never even imagined going. Fighting demons. Being a werewolf. Living in NYC.
And I guess, these shows help me deal with the real issue.