This is a very happy situation. It’s too dazzling for someone like me. This is the kind of life everyone lives… So wonderful, isn’t it? I’m envious.
If I’m obliterated from this place… can I redo my life? Will I be able to accept this ordinary happiness? Losing all my memories… My personality would change… I could accept it then, right?
But then, what does it mean to be reborn?
It won’t be my life anymore. It would be someone else’s life. There’s only one life for me. And it’s right here.
There’s only one. This is my life. I can’t give it to anyone else. I can’t get another, either. I can’t force it upon another, forget about it, erase it, trample it, laugh about it, or overdramatize it. I can’t do anything to it.
We have no choice but to accept the one and only life we’re given, no matter how cruel and heartless it may be. Do you understand what I mean? That’s why I fight. That’s why I continue to fight.
Because I… I can never accept another life!
my life :D
…THIS IS MY LIFE. No seriously. Look at my room. That’s basically the only stuff I have in it :3
I want someone to call me up and say, “I’m outside. Let’s go do something!” I want to go out late at night in my pj’s and my hair all tied up. Maybe drive around. Go to a park and just swing on the swings. Maybe sit in the grass and watch the stars or maybe go to a 24 hour food place and pig out. I just want a late night adventure with people I like to be around. No drama. Nothing but good vibes and good company.
Tired of the college process and the summer work. I can’t wait till it’s finally over.
That’s what basically went through my mind today. I fell into a despair. When I looked around me, even though I was surrounded by my co-workers, I was alone. Terrified. Scared. Trembling with fear.
I had no one to turn to. No one to hug me and tell me everything was going to be okay. My only friend I was talking to was a couple of blocks away and several hundred feet downstairs.
I asked myself. Why?
To be truthful, I am jealous of those people who have nothing, yet they have everything. Those people seem to be the happiest of all. Nothing to complain about. And here I was, resenting my birth. Resenting everything around me for being so unfair.
A few moments of these thoughts and I felt like I was about to burst out into tears. I ran from my cubicle to the bathroom, hoping not to bump into any of my co-workers along the way. They shouldn’t see me like this. No one should. I saw someone in the direction of the bathroom and I shifted to the nearest side hallway. And I seemingly slammed against the wall. Hoping no one would see me in such a pathetic state. My legs wobbled around me and I almost fell down. Bracing myself, I went to the break room and grabbed a few napkins and kept wiping at my face, hoping no tears were left behind.
These thoughts. They all came to me in such a rush. I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t have been ready. And throughout the day, my mind kept going back. It kept thinking those thoughts. And I was left as a pathetic shell of a body.
Life is unfair sometimes…