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Lonely on the 4th eating strawberry ice cream from the carton… while watching movies
There are days when I’m fine. But some days, the sight of couples just… I don’t know. It makes me wish for it. I begin to wish for those Kodak moments. An arm around their waist watching the sun set, cuddling under the warm blankets on a cold night.
I wish I could have you on my lap and we’ll just share gifts on a cold Christmas night. After you’ve met my parents and ate dinner, we’d just casually watch a movie. And in the meantime feed popcorn to each other, yet sometimes tease as well.
I would pretend to sleep with you in my arms. And then in a moments time, I would freak out and scare you. With anger, you would probably ignore me. I would try to get you to turn back to me…
And so my ideas run away. And another post disappears. And another Christmas comes and goes. And I’m still alone.
It never really hit me until just recently, but things are coming to a close. Things are becoming my lasts.
- My last first day of school with my parents.
- My last half day.
- My last high school year.
- My last halloween at school.
- My last official pep rally.
- My last… everything.
It’s getting pretty nostalgic. And the problem is, I don’t have anyone to spend these lasts with. I hate to say it, but I keep falling in and out with everyone and I don’t have people I can look at to hang out with. It’s rather depressing. I can handle being alone and I actually try to find people to do things with, but I just don’t know.
-I thought I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to write about, but like always, it ends in a dud-
Your lips against mine. Your soft cheeks. Your hair as I comb my hands through, feeling each strand, one by one. The sun setting down on our afternoon escapades ending the day slowly hour after hour. I watch your face look upon it with such a sadness and mine follows as well, both of us understanding that we’ll each depart our own ways soon enough.
Feeling like it was only yesterday that we first looked each other in the eyes. My eyes looking past yours in a split second, unable to keep contact. Your face cracking up as you realized my shyness and I soon start blushing, seeing such a beautiful person in real life. Like a fallen angel.
Sitting down on our first real date at the movies. Laughing at the cliche fact that we’re sitting there, playfully holding hands. Your soft hands in mine, and your slender fingers, intertwined with mine.
...I wonder sometimes.
Although there are times when I feel like being alone. At times, I just need a comfort. A hand over my shoulders. An embrace. Anyone close.
The answer is always yes.
I don’t know why, maybe it was from whatever dreams I had, or just waking up without someone there next to me with their arms around me.
All I know is I’m still feeling pretty lonely.