Sometimes it feels like I’m trying so hard and yet it’s all worthless. All of this hard work studying is falling into nothingness. And that’s when I’m at my weakest. And I then feel worthless…

This semester is a mess. I feel like a mess. And I don’t know what to make of it. I’ve been slacking off way too much. I need to step up my game and keep my GPI high. Leggo.

Living vicariously through other people and soaps / dramas… This is the single life.

It’s all the pent up energy just exploded. And I couldn’t control it. 

Why does it feel like I don’t know myself anymore…

In my moments of weakness, I catch myself thinking

Maybe there isn’t anyone out there for me… 

Sometimes I feel like I’m doing something wrong. The fact that I have yet to date anyone. The fact that it feels like no one wants to date me… Well. Great.

If you don’t know the reason for the lie. Ask. Don’t fucking get mad. 

I know I lied. But you were equally as hurtful. Now I feel lost. 

I feel so detached to this world. Everyone. Everything. Things just passing by me. Now what?

With no tree, presents, or decorations… It feels like Christmas is just another day. Just another day. Have enough fun for me!

What does it feel like to fall in love? I know it sounds a little corny but I honestly don’t know. What I thought was love, wasn’t. It was just a false delusion I had. All based on appearances. 

Falling in love. You just don’t know when it happens. When you fall for someone. Conversation is made and you just become… enchanted. Each and every word moves a piece of your heart. Or is this just my imagination of what love is. And I won’t ever feel such a way about someone. 

Well. Either way. I know I’m confused. Or at least troubled by not finding this person. And worried that I ever will. 

I really miss the honesty hours we used to have till the wee hours of the morning. It’s just getting to know each other better. I loved getting to know people, but why does it seem like I just can’t get off the floor. It really sucks. I worry about next year. What am I going to do? How am I going to meet people if they’ve already “cliqued?” 

It’s getting late and here I am alone in the common room. The first semester is almost over. It blew by so quickly. I’m afraid my whole experience will leave me just hanging my head without any great great memories. Make me feel like I’m doing something amazing. 

Words are blurring by me. And I just can’t seem to think properly. I want something. I don’t know what but make this memorable. 

HONESTY HOUR COME BACK TO MEEE. 

You know what I really hate about you? That you can’t read what I’m feeling and you act at the wrong times. Thanks to your jackass moves I’ve been more pissed lately. Seriously. Get the picture better. And stop bothering me or I might actually dislike you. I’m trying my best to accept the fact that you’re bothersome.

So fuck off for now.

Is it wrong to wish that things were as they were in the olden times? I wouldn’t mind someone to toss a rock at my windows and whisk me away. For me to climb up vines and meet up on the balcony. 

The party where everyone is beautifully dressed up. And suddenly across the room, our eyes meet. And it’s as if the lights are shining down upon us. People seem to part as if they were the red sea. And we meet. A once in a lifetime meeting. 

A kiss. A kiss with the moon glistening on the water. A letter filled with love. A letter filled with passionate feelings. With words that softly touch the lips with each read. With words that mean more than “I love you.”